Part 1: I'm all yours someday.

Chapter 1:

Tuesday 10:13am,

    Tsu was washing its mouth in its dog bowl next to the front door. Twelve summers have passed since I cursed it with birth. Raging were its tears when it learned it had no arms to strangle itself with, nor legs to flee upon. Now at twenty years old, I know better than to question its resentment. Once Tsu had finished rinsing the thick amber layer of pork fat and oats – the remains of its breakfast – from its lips, It turned, using its full body like a dog kicking on its side, to stare at me. I found it much easier to understand Tsu’s body language when I was younger. Much easier to empathize with its dependency on me for survival, and its never-ending need for comfort. Now, however, things are not the same, and they never will be again. 

    In two days I plan to kill Tsu. I will use the steel hatchet hidden in the backyard garden shed. The second shed, the one next to the broken fence the neighbour’s dog keeps trying to wedge into. The hatchet belonged to my grandmother, with an engraved message on its shaft:  “Poison is the promise named air -E”

    I will use it to strike Tsu in its sleep, hard and fast, and I will not stop until I know there is no muscle left that recalls the earth's weight. I do not understand what Tsu is, only that it must be suffering, and for that I make sure never to let the taste of freedom feather its tongue. I have never seen Tsu bleed, only cry, and I do not know if it can die. Even so, seeing Tsu look up at me the same way it would when we were little makes me feel the same paternal hum in my chest, like a drone shaking the frame of my ribs. I feed Tsu a piece of my granola bar, before leaving for work. “I love you, behave while I'm gone” I say, raising my voice an octave, then close the door.